yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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