dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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