well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Actions speak louder than pants.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
