when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
