I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
