what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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