Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
