I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
