I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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