I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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