Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
