How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
