did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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