he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
