he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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