I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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