The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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