Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Randomize
