So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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