Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
