She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
