Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Randomize
