I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
