I wish my penis had an off switch
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Enjoy the penises
Randomize
