i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Randomize
