it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Randomize