I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
