May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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