i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I have post one night stand depression
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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