Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
she told me i tasted like america
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
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