well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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