Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
