it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
