I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
