i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
