people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
