drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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