I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
