Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
