I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
