Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
