You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
