its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
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