fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I feel great
I just peed on a car
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
