he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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