do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
