I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
