he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
