I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
