after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
