My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
