why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
