i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
